The Obliteration of the Rare and Precious “Great Mood”

I woke up this morning around 6 o’clock, and I have to admit, I felt great. My husband and I stayed in bed talking and joking for a couple hours, and it was wonderful. It was fun. We decided to get up and get some breakfast and watch a movie.

Now when I’m feeling really good, I’m always super motivated to work or write. So I sat down to watch this movie with my husband, and I got my notebook and some pens. I was situated on the couch, comfy, felt fantastic. Which is so rare these days. And then my dad, who lives with my husband and I, came into the living room to ask if I could take him to his doctor’s appointment.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would do anything in the world for my dad, and there is no way I would want him driving himself to his doctor’s appointment if he didn’t feel well enough to drive, but what bothers me is that he is a diabetic, and for some reason he insists on fasting before every doctor’s visit… even after the doctor has told him it isn’t necessary.

So he got up and took his insulin shot and his other diabetes medication which both lower his blood sugar, but he didn’t eat, so it lowers his blood sugar when it isn’t even high to begin with. So his head starts feeling all swimmy, and he doesn’t need to drive…. Which is understandable, but if he would just eat something this wouldn’t happen.

So I’m not as upset about having to get up and leave my husband and leave the movie and leave my motivation behind as I am about the fact that I don’t feel like my dad always makes the best decisions for himself. I wish I could be more confident about the fact that he’ll do what he needs to do instead of what he thinks he should do.

So now I’m sitting at the doctor’s office in my pajamas. My hair is mess, no makeup on, and my mood is pretty much ruined. But the good news is, we made it here safely, and I did make him drink some orange juice on the way, which he said cleared his head, so all is well.

I just really wanted to finish that movie with my husband and share that rare and precious good mood with him because I know he misses it as much as I do.

I feel so selfish even typing this right now, but it’s the truth. My worries about my dad affect my depression and anxieties. And no matter what the situation is, it seems like when those rare moments of happiness and calmness happen, something stops them in their tracks.

I think I need to really work on not letting things get to me so easily, but it’s hard. That’s all part of it. On top of the world one minute, and it’s ruined at the drop of a hat.

Note: Please forgive any grammar mutilation or typos as this post was vented in haste from my phone. I’ll come back and clean it up later. 😐


5 thoughts on “The Obliteration of the Rare and Precious “Great Mood”

  1. Aidan says:

    I know how that goes, when you’re feeling really good about something and then something else comes along and gut checks your good mood. I’m sorry that happened, and I’m sorry your dad isn’t making the best choices. I had a friend who was diabetic and she said it wasn’t really a good idea to fast before routine visits, because it can skew any tests they do? But I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know for sure.

    Hope another good mood comes your way very soon and you can hold onto it for longer. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I feel so silly complaining about something like that, but it’s a very rare experience that I’m actually motivated, energized, happy, and not anxious lately. It sounds strange, I guess, to anybody who doesn’t deal with depression or anxiety, but it’s a pretty big deal when it rarely ever happens… so I guess I was just having a bit of a pity party about it. Lol Thank you for reading and for your kind words. 🙂


      • Aidan says:

        I don’t think it’s silly at all. I’ve been in the same boat for about a year now, where I almost never have an actually good day (as opposed to a just not-particularly crappy day, which also seem to be few and far between, lately). I totally get how precious they are when they actually show up and it sucks when something messes them up.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Brandy, I feel like I want to say something to you, because I have been there, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding pious. So, I’ll just be honest, and forgive me if I am preachy. I spent many years in a struggle with depression / anxiety and now feel so much better. In relation your post, moods comes and go, that is what moods do, like everything else ( thank God, or your might always be depressed). Moods are just moods, but you also have that awareness of feelings. And that awareness stays with you always. I have found meditation helpful.
    And your dad. Parents can be infuriating, but so can children. Where I am able to find compassion for others (by understanding how they are, how we all are) then I myself am wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chris, Yes! I knew when I typed this rant I would likely feel horrible about it and delete it later… but I won’t because it’s honest. Preventable and whiney? Yes. But there are so many other people out there who feel like that one little stupid circumstance is the end of their world at that moment, and they should know they aren’t alone.

      But yes… You’re right. Outside of my depression and anxiety issues I do have an awareness of feeling that you mention. I was actually just explaining to my husband earlier that depression isn’t really about being sad like a lot of people think. It’s almost a void of emotion and more about what you DON’T feel than what you do. You don’t feel happy, excited, anticipatory, motivated, loved, worthy, social, energized, hopeful, or grateful… For me it’s always been a destitute feeling.

      However, tonight I had a sort of revelation. I’m actually planning on blogging about this later, but I’ll summarize real quick because it fits this situation. Tonight we watched a couple movies, and something about the combination of the different emotional responses I had to each one struck me. I cried. And I cried for probably an hour.

      My husband freaked out, thinking it had triggered some sort of extreme episode. But I wasn’t crying because I was sad. I was crying because I was feeling emotion. It was amazing. So cleansing. So during this hour, I told my husband how sorry I was for being so critical, snappy, moody, and downright hateful sometimes. I hate that I waste our time together, limited as life is, in an emotionless stupor most of the time.

      A realization had just suddenly dawned on me that just because I’m not feeling those good emotions doesn’t mean that, deep down, I don’t know they’re there. It gave me hope for trying to focus on those things even when I don’t feel like even caring because I do know things aren’t as bad as I feel sometimes. If that makes any sense. I want to begin to work on being able to recognize it for what it is and learn to focus and train myself to feel again… rather than just riding it out and waiting for it to pass.

      Tonight I felt like I’ve been taking some really important things for granted. I just need to work on focusing on that when the next swing hits.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and please never be afraid to come off any way. That’s why I’m here… to be honest about the ugliness of it and show people they aren’t the only ones dealing with it… it doesn’t mean they’re crazy… and to connect with people like you who have conquered your demons and are kind enough to share the honest truth because it’s what I need to hear.


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