I woke up this morning around 6 o’clock, and I have to admit, I felt great. My husband and I stayed in bed talking and joking for a couple hours, and it was wonderful. It was fun. We decided to get up and get some breakfast and watch a movie.
Now when I’m feeling really good, I’m always super motivated to work or write. So I sat down to watch this movie with my husband, and I got my notebook and some pens. I was situated on the couch, comfy, felt fantastic. Which is so rare these days. And then my dad, who lives with my husband and I, came into the living room to ask if I could take him to his doctor’s appointment.
Now don’t get me wrong, I would do anything in the world for my dad, and there is no way I would want him driving himself to his doctor’s appointment if he didn’t feel well enough to drive, but what bothers me is that he is a diabetic, and for some reason he insists on fasting before every doctor’s visit… even after the doctor has told him it isn’t necessary.
So he got up and took his insulin shot and his other diabetes medication which both lower his blood sugar, but he didn’t eat, so it lowers his blood sugar when it isn’t even high to begin with. So his head starts feeling all swimmy, and he doesn’t need to drive…. Which is understandable, but if he would just eat something this wouldn’t happen.
So I’m not as upset about having to get up and leave my husband and leave the movie and leave my motivation behind as I am about the fact that I don’t feel like my dad always makes the best decisions for himself. I wish I could be more confident about the fact that he’ll do what he needs to do instead of what he thinks he should do.
So now I’m sitting at the doctor’s office in my pajamas. My hair is mess, no makeup on, and my mood is pretty much ruined. But the good news is, we made it here safely, and I did make him drink some orange juice on the way, which he said cleared his head, so all is well.
I just really wanted to finish that movie with my husband and share that rare and precious good mood with him because I know he misses it as much as I do.
I feel so selfish even typing this right now, but it’s the truth. My worries about my dad affect my depression and anxieties. And no matter what the situation is, it seems like when those rare moments of happiness and calmness happen, something stops them in their tracks.
I think I need to really work on not letting things get to me so easily, but it’s hard. That’s all part of it. On top of the world one minute, and it’s ruined at the drop of a hat.
Note: Please forgive any grammar mutilation or typos as this post was vented in haste from my phone. I’ll come back and clean it up later. 😐